A while back I wrote a post called ‘Mostly the Miles are Just Boring’, in which I noted that while I see lots of blogs that detail daily runs to some extent, that would never be something I would do. Recently I have talked about running more due to the cold weather, but once we get back to comfortable temperatures that will die off as well.
The reason I gave was that while ‘special’ runs are worth discussing, mostly the miles are just boring. I mean … really, who CARES if I tweaked my last loop to get 7.25 rather than 6.75 miles on my morning run in 30F weather. Sorry … did I doze off for just a minute?
it’s also important to remember that a lot of blogging is unreal anymore. So many bloggers only InstaGram their healthy meals, blog about their good runs, talk about their perfect days. I just have to keep my perspective on what works for me and stop the comparisons that are so easy to make. Comparing does nobody any good and it’s always apples to oranges.
So while I am very happy with my life, in case anyone was under the false illusion that I lived in the land of rainbows and unicorns … let me disabuse you of that notion. I’ll knock through them one at a time.
I am writing this on a day where it was -9 when I went running with a -20F wind chill. Which made that the SECOND -20F day in a row, and the THIRD sub-zero day of the week (i.e. 3-for-3). It is also the 16th sub-zero day I have run in January, which has also seen temperatures approach 60F one day. That really isn’t fun – in fact, it sucks.
Running more than 3000 miles last year means doing loads of laundry, tearing through shoes ($), scheduling time, eating to keep properly fueled ($ again), dealing with all of those gross Gu-type things, and on and on.
As I finish this up, I went for my run this morning and it was -6 … but I was thoroughly annoyed because according to the forecast it was SUPPOSED to be about 15F, but it stayed clear and the temperature plummeted one last time. I was really pissed off, and even though I was cold I ran the full ‘celebratory’ 7.5 miles I had planned. The only upside is that my bad mood quickly dissipated as I sat for coffee with Lisa before work.
I have openly discussed my obesity, my weight loss, my disordered thinking and more. I have shared a few recipes, and my explorations of trying to eat a more healthy, plant-based diet. I have alluded to the difficulties due to the difficulties due to tastes and sensitivities, and because Lisa in particular has a large amount of allergies and sensitivities. I will be dealing with that particular issue in a separate post soon.
On a regular basis I have people talk to me about food and weight loss and all sorts of things. I am held up as a great role model because I am thin and fit and really healthy with a decent amount of knowledge about food and nutrition.
But I think about food …
In fact, as I am typing I have just assessed how much I have eaten today compared to my morning run and am having an apple just to add a few extra calories even though I am not very hungry.
I do NOT have a healthy relationship with food, regardless of how well I can now put together a meal or how diligent I am about balancing my intake and output to properly fuel and try hard not to lose weight.
I have disordered thinking about food and I always will. And honestly, I have a strong opinion that it is like alcoholism, where you might be ‘reformed’, but you are never cured and it is something that is a lifelong journey and struggle. I mean, in my ‘in-between years’ post I talked about doing a decent job of keeping weight off for nearly 19 years … and yet in 2012 I weighed 275 pounds – the second heaviest of my life.
I consider myself incredibly blessed and lucky. For nearly a quarter of a century Lisa has been the center of my universe … and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
But we are people, with kids as well as all of the normal stresses and pressures.
Here are some of the things we have had a fight of some type or other about: money, sex, having children, buying a car, how to spend a work bonus, having more children, using credit cards, buying a house, our jobs, who is cooking, technology, raising our children, shopping for groceries, stopping having children before Lisa died (which was what the doctor more or less said after #2), moving after my layoff, my parents, her parents, my brother, her sister, my sister, my friends, her friends, the woman (my friend) who stood in line at our wedding and pretty much said she couldn’t believe I was getting married (apparently I was more than one person’s ‘back-up plan’), pretty much every one of our nieces and nephews, computer games, TV, sleep, running, the gym, the kids’ friends, our neighbors at every house, trash, dogs, cats, food … and pretty much anything else you can think of.
Except about whether or not we loved each other.
Lisa gets annoyed at people at work who call her ‘June Cleaver’ because they see her having this perfect life – great marriage, nice house, great kids. Reality is much, much messier. We might have it good – but no rainbows, no unicorns.
I talk a lot about my boys, and I love them dearly. They are smart, funny, talented kids who will make the world a better place whatever they choose to do. BUT … they are teenagers.
There is plenty of great stuff I can and do say about my kids … but as teenagers they can often be moody (hormones), narcissistic, lazy, argumentative, moody, belligerent, demanding, moody, uncooperative and moody.
Again, great wonderful kids I would never want to replace – but no rainbows, no unicorns.
There is exactly one person who doesn’t live under the same roof as me who gets almost completely positive comments here on my blog – my brother. (I don’t bring nieces and nephews into it).
And there were a number of years where we really had very little to do with each other. I am really happy for the relationship we have built and the progress we’ve made over the last several years.
I read about people who have parents who are like their best friends (not!), and want to go on vacations all together. Um, yeah … no thanks. Or rather .. never again.
Sure as heck no rainbows or unicorns here!
The old saying that they call it work because they have to pay you to do it is definitely true. I worked for 15 years at my last job, but by mid-2004 (11 years) I was more or less ‘done’ … and had already actively looked for a job at least twice already. Yet I festered for almost 4 more years …
And I currently work for a great company – Corning. There may be Gorillas, but no rainbows or unicorns. I really don’t want to talk specifics … but there are people involved in workplaces, and like any situation there are occasionally politics that happen. There are glorious days, totally sucky days … but mostly just ‘work days’.
So what AM I saying?
I am not here to complain about my life – because I know I have it REALLY good in so many ways.
Instead, I am here with a ‘reality check’. I am not perfect. My job isn’t perfect. My marriage isn’t perfect. My kids aren’t perfect. My LIFE isn’t perfect.
And guess what? Neither is anyone else’s.
So the next time you are reading a blog and thinking ‘wow, he/she has a PERFECT life’ … just stop. Because they don’t – no one does. We all do the best we can with what we have – but none of us is living a life full of rainbows and unicorns.